A Harvard professor studied 1,000+ speed dates, parole hearings, and police body cam footage.
What she discovered about conversation will change how you see every interaction you've ever had.
Here's the science she just revealed on the latest Diary of a CEO:
Dr. Allison Wood Brooks has spent 20 years studying how humans talk to each other.
And it explains why you're probably making people dislike you without knowing it.
It starts with something called "boomeranging."
You say: "My favorite restaurant is Mr. Chows."
They say: "Oh I've been to Mr. Chows! Last time I went with friends and..."
They've just stolen your moment.
You shared something personal. They made it about themselves.
This happens constantly. And it's killing your relationships.
The fix? One follow-up question before you redirect.
"Who did you go with?" or "What did you order?"
That's it. One question. Then you can share your story.
But here's what really blew my mind:
Dr. Brooks studied 1,000 speed dates at Stanford.
She measured how many questions each person asked.
People who asked just ONE extra question per date converted way more second dates.
One question. That's the difference between connection and rejection.
Men were way worse at this than women.
Men asked fewer questions on average. But when they wanted the second date, they often didn't get it.
The solution was embarrassingly simple: Ask more questions.
Here's her framework for being instantly more likable:
T - Topics: Prep 2-3 talking points before any conversation. Even 30 seconds of forethought makes you smoother.
A - Asking: Ask more questions. Especially follow-up questions. This is where all the magic happens.
L - Levity: Humor and warmth prevent boredom. If people aren't engaged, nothing else matters.
K - Kindness: Use people's names correctly. Show respect. Small language choices compound.
The most powerful phrase she teaches?
"It makes sense that you feel X about Y."
Someone says something crazy? Don't attack it.
Say: "It makes sense that you feel that way. Tell me more."
This validates without agreeing. It keeps the conversation alive.
The moment you say "I disagree," their brain literally shuts down to your ideas.
Brain scans prove this.
But the scariest finding was about male friendship.
40% of men report having ZERO close friends.
Dr. Brooks watched hundreds of men try to make friends.
They talked about sports. Weather. Surface stuff.
None of them asked: "What have you been struggling with?"
None asked: "What do you hope to achieve?"
Women ask these questions in the first 3 minutes.
Men never got there.
Vulnerability is the doorway to real friendship.
And men have been socialized to see it as a weakness.
The result? An epidemic of loneliness.
Men are 4x more likely to say they have no one to turn to in a crisis.
One last thing that stuck with me:
If you walked into a room trying to be 1/10 likable, what would you do?
Ignore people. Stay on your phone. Get their name wrong.
5/10? Small talk. Bland. Disinterested but not offensive.
10/10? Completely focused on them. Remember details. Ask about their life.
Most people live at 5/10 without realizing it.
The gap between forgettable and magnetic is smaller than you think.
It's just attention. Curiosity. Follow-up questions.
Skills anyone can learn.
But almost nobody practices.
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